the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
