I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize