The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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