I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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