I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
