I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
