How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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