now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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