piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
