Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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