You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
