a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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