Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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