That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
