I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize