If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I touched a dick in church today
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