hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
