So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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