I must be too annoying 4 u.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
