You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
