been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
