Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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