Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
