Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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