but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
