he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
