I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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