Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
