***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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