I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
