i just google imaged poop.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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