Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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