OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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