Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
