you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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