Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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