just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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