It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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