First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
