a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
