I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
