Are we in a gay sports bar?
even my farts smell like vagina
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
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