I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
