you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I didn't notice because vodka
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize