grandma shit on top of the toilet
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Randomize
