do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
