Its about making memories worth repressing
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
