He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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