Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
