4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
its not stalking. its research.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
