About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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