He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
