im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
