I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
