I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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