Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
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