it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I am naked and annoyed.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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