Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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