if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
