Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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