You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Still dying that you shit outside
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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