I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
