if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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