you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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