Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
