Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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