She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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