Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.

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(310): View more from California

Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.

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(425): View more from Washington

I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..

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(318): View more from Louisiana

Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.

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(706): View more from Georgia

Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.

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(801): View more from Utah

Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Can you come over?

(1-615): View more from Tennessee

Sex??

(615): View more from Tennessee

Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.

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